Sorry's Stuck in my Throat

Written things are thought to be hard to take back. But even things being said can match up to that.

Sometimes a simple sentence can even make the speaker feel shameful and guilty.

There are things that are not meant to be said. Things that stick around the forever-beating heart and make the eyes blotchy with tears. One sentence said can break an iron brick as if dropping a wine glass off the fourth floor of a house onto a concrete surface.

It's so difficult to take back what's been done. It's time like these that 'sorry' becomes a chore to say. When the guilt is so bad that the letters lie on your tongue only to crawl down your dry and crackling throat to strangle you. Squeezing you so hard you well up and water at the eyes. Or are those tears?

Guilt can grow inside you and spread like a virus, while those last words spoken still linger stationary in the head of the receiver. The most powerful and hurtful words are the ones that have never been said before, but the ones that when said are said with sour-lemon lips and spitting venom. 

The ones you want to take back as soon as they've been breathed out but you can't grasp however hard you might try.

But the thing that cripples you most is when those words are fired and aimed back to you, from the least suspecting person. From the person you never wanted to hear it from. From the person that will make you never forgive yourself. From the person that will keep you up all night, yearning for that person to take back the words you cruelly spat out first.

Things said are hard to take back. Moments without thought, but pure foolishness are hard to forget. Saying sorry, truly is the hardest word. Being forgiven, is something you have to beg for. Being trusted, is something you have to work for. Being respected, is something you have to earn.

-Eggy Mayers, wanna be writer.